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My enemy, My friend

7th April 2017

Below is audio of Natalina reading out her poem:



There is this “girl”, she was my friend,
She lives inside my mind,
She started off so friendly,
So caring and so kind.

She helped me just to function,
To cope with everything in life,
She helped to make me “better”,
Perfection she would help me strive.

There is this “girl”, she was my friend,
From the world she kept me safe,
She told me how to live my life,
And helped me to be brave.

She made me feel quite “special”,
A better person I would be,
She stopped me feeling lonely;
The world against her and me.

She promised she could help me,
Make people like me more,
But, how she could do that,
I really was unsure.

She said if I was skinny,
People would like me,
She told me if I was skinny,
My flaws they would not see.



The less and less I ate,
The better she’d make me feel,
She told me to keep going;
That this was the only way to heal.

All my trust I put in her,
As my pain began to fade away,
Listening to her every command,
With the promise, I would be ok.

She, became my best friend,
My secret from everyone,
I felt so strong, so powerful,
Like against the world I had won.

But without me even noticing,
The kind voice in my head,
Was no longer my best friend,
She now wanted me dead.

As the pounds fell off me,
The more she’d call me fat,
Screaming obscenities at me,
From my mind where she sat.

The promise of having more friends,
Quickly faded away,
As she made me totally isolate,
The promise gone, that I would be ok.

Without me even knowing,
She’d dug her vicious claws in me,
Showing me all my many flaws,
How disgusting and fat I was, she made me see.

And no matter how hard I tried,
Nothing I could do was right,
From my friend, she became my enemy,
And I could see no end in sight.

The calm voice turned to screaming,
And she’d twist anything people said,
The voice that started as my saviour,
Now made me wish that I was dead.

And if I tried to fight her,
She’d inflict more pain on me,
Quickly I started to realise,
From her, I never would be free.

Such an evil monster,
That started off so kind,
As my own mind turned against me,
To the truth she made me blind.

Clinging on, to control my life,
But the most ironic thing of all,
Was I had lost total control,
And I was now backed into a wall.

The thing that was meant to save me;
To get me through, keep me alive,
I believed she was really helping,
Yet I was starving to survive.

Physically and mentally,
I deteriorated very quick,
Although I couldn’t see it happening,
I became very, very sick.

But once the denial had faded,
And the reality started to sink in,
I knew that I had given up,
And that she would finally win.

My only way of surviving,
Had turned its back on me,
The voice I once saw as my friend,
I now wished I could be free.

I’d look into the mirror,
And the truth I could not see,
She’d warped my mind and vision,
She had total control over me.

She’d say people were lying,
That only she was right,
As people would try and help me,
Against them I would fight.

But the war was in my own head,
Not against the world around,
And as I began to accept this,
My own voice I slowly found.

And now I’ve grown to hate her;
The voice I once saw as my friend,
She never tried to save me,
She wanted my life to end.

And whilst she’d served a purpose,
Starting as that sweet voice in my head,
She turned into a monster,
And became my enemy instead.

Natalina